thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
