I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
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