I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
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