Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
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