I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
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