Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
Randomize
