I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
Randomize
