i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
