He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
