Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
Randomize
