Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
Randomize
