you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
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