Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
Randomize
