i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
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