Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
Brb crying the tears of my youth
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
Randomize
