You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
