Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
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