So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
Randomize
