I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Randomize
