I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
Randomize
