Got a toothbrush?
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
Randomize
