I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
This is the prime rib incident all over again
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
Randomize
