Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
