just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
Randomize
