I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
I checked into jail on foursquare
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
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