Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
Randomize
