im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
Randomize
