Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
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