Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
Randomize
