Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
im calling her cock vulture from now on
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
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