mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
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