peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
Randomize
