We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
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