At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
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