She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
