found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
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