and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Randomize
