What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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