dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
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