i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
It all started with a game of naked twister.
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize
