I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
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