on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
What a dumb baby whore.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
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