I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
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