Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
Randomize
