I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
Randomize
