we're blogging at a bar
What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
Randomize
