And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
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