i think my tv is drunk
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Randomize
