he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
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