I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
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