12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
Randomize
