don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
