Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize
