Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
Randomize
